Sticks and Bones

The first part of a chronicle of a crush-turned-obsession. I'm sorry, Julie.


To experience this in natural reading order go to A Bright, Ironic Hell: The Straight Read .


Also, try Satellite Dance and Crystal Delusions--Parts 2 and 3, respectively--complete.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Patton, Rommel, Burn (7/20/08 Sunday)

Weekends are the worst. I have two days to reflect on my interaction with Julie, and as I’m my own worst critic, I don’t come out smelling very good. Thursday, my strategy was to not have a strategy; yesterday was quite the opposite, with the planned question. I’ve been depressed about that since, because I’m more convinced than ever that I’ve become transparent, and not in the manner in which I wanted my affections exposed. I’m trying too hard, I know. I over-think everything.

There was a time when this was fun, but I’ve become desperate for some sign from Julie. I try to remember that this isn’t about winning Julie, but to do that I need to focus on what this actually is about. I haven’t, yet, a clue. I need some perspective beyond myself. The secret must be spread. I’ll ask Stacey how I can tell Gay-Lynn and how discreet she thinks Chris can be. Gay-Lynn, especially, I expect to be a very strong, active advocate. It would thrill her no end, I’m sure, and I actually think it would charge her creatively. Without doubt, with my permission she would take this on as a mission and would perform it with great discretion. So, it appears that my best strategy is to leave the strategy to someone else. I’m feeling better. If only I could get Friday off my mind.

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