Who's Here to Relieve Me? (10/02/08 Thursday)

What if Julie just isn't as deep as I've imagined her? What does fascinate me about her? What has ever fascinated me about her? Surely more than her availability and proximity. It took most of a year for this crush to blossom. I was not attracted to her when I first saw her. Something grew from working with her. It may simply have sprung from the common interests discovered along the way. Was the fascination grown from the possibilities planted in this common ground? Is that enough?

It's been a difficult week for me. Yesterday, I started by trying to avoid her, but stepped right into her parlor. When I got in she was shelving, according to the schedule, and I was to do the same. The non-fiction cart was missing, so, assuming that to be her location, I took out the easies. But there she was. She had loaded a smaller cart with easies. I didn't greet her as I pulled up a row down from her. She didn't look up as I approached--at least, we didn't make eye contact. Feeling stupid for my (non) action, I seethed at myself as I hid among the lower shelves, where it seemed most of my books belonged.

"Here, hot off the presses." Julie stretched out a book to me. A page protruded above the rest. A scant glance from the book, a "Shrek 2" tie-in, saw a smile. I said, "I hope I can't fix it," and quickly inspected it. "Oh, it looks like I can." Got a little, maybe indulgent, chuckle out her. It was no icebreaker, though. Eventually, I asked her head, bowed over the books in the top bins, "How's it been today?" Without looking up, she said, "Oh, not bad. A little slow." That went no further, either. Much later in the day I remembered telling her Saturday that I had difficulty around her. It seemed now a good hedge against this most recent behavior, as well as such future behavior. By five, when I relieved her from the desk, I was nearly cheerful. "Are you here to relieve me?" she smiled up at me. "Yes, I am," I said to her eyes. He started past me then turned her head across her shoulder to look at me with a "Thank you" on her lips. The evening passed quickly.