Sticks and Bones

The first part of a chronicle of a crush-turned-obsession. I'm sorry, Julie.


To experience this in natural reading order go to A Bright, Ironic Hell: The Straight Read .


Also, try Satellite Dance and Crystal Delusions--Parts 2 and 3, respectively--complete.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

No, That's Just the Flames of Hell (10/22/08 Wednesday)

Purpose. Resolution. Full circle. How far I've come. How far I've yet to go. Is that, actually, a light I see? Funny: To get what I want now is to lose what I really wanted. Irony--what could be crueler? Or could this resolution bring about the preferred resolution? Even the cynic in me doesn't want to see me hurt by that kind of hopefulness. Besides, it's irony in control of my life; irony decides what I'm to have. It would not give me what does not satisfy itself, only what will elicit from me a smirk of perverse appreciation for its power over me. It's my God, and I'm stuck with it. How quickly I move from resolve to resignation! They cannot be that far removed from one another. To resolve to do something is to be confident of its outcome. That confidence sees the outcome and is satisfied, becomes happily complacent. Resigned.

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