She Noes (5/17/09 Sunday)

That desk hour with Julie a couple weeks ago was just a wishful misperception--I read the schedule wrong--but I did get one Saturday. I thought of joking about it with her--something like, "I thought we were being separated," but I doubt Julie would have been comfortable with it. It was awkward enough out there. It would have helped to have "she knows" written on my hand again, but I remembered occasionally that hour and felt better for it. Still, I was uncomfortable. Nothing could make me initiate conversation with her; essentially, I just wasn't interested. Anything I could think to say to her would have been in my own interest. I just can't pretend to care about the things she's willing to divulge, because she's willing to divulge them to anyone. I've been beyond halfway with her, and she never did cover the rest of the distance. I'm tired of the long walk back to square one. It was quiet hour but for "she knows," and that's not yet quite enough for me.