Whose Fool Am I? (2/16/09 Monday)

There's really nothing I can do about this, is there? A finality with no closure. There seems no reasoning left to do. Is this the religion to which I predicted I'd succumb? In what am I putting my faith? To what have I given over this problem? I didn't resign to this, so how could this be what I wanted? How could it seem such a certainty? I'm fighting this blind faith with no weapons, weapons I allowed to be taken from me simply by saying I'm in love with Julie. I say "allowed," but that is boasting a control I just did not have. The only fight I have left is for that control back. Over what? Over what have I ever had control? Is that the real admittance?