What's a Pound of Flesh Going for These Days? (12/04/08 Thursday)

Anger has worn down my indignation to a raw nerve. I'm very hurt that someone would invade my privacy, especially in such a public manner. And one of the last people in our group I would have suspected is at the top of the list of people left to blame. There are only two people who haven't yet been absolved, either by interrogation or obvious nonengagement in the affair--Megan and Jennifer. Of the two, it's easy to believe it's Megan, but I think she's only guilty of revelling in it. Jennifer, though, had opportunity, very specific opportunity: She sat at the computer next to me one day last week as I was transcribing onto the blog. I knew she was there, and I made no attempt to hide the blog title by scrolling down. Looks like she failed the test. But it's one thing reading my blog, which, without my permission I don't mind as long as I don't know (obviously), but it's another to broadcast it, especially to the person it could hurt the most, and leaving me with nowhere to hide, wearing only transparent emotion.

This woke me at three a.m. I pretended to try to get back to sleep for an hour before getting up to do this. I am still angry. I didn't get the fight I needed yesterday. I'm still after it, and I'm not waiting for it to come to me. I'll teach that class Julie attended Tuesday, though I might cross the line into aggressive. Hinckley told me Greta was told by Julie, so Greta will be my next target--if I don't get a desk hour with Jennifer first. I don't plan on being subtle or private. I'm going to extract my stolen privacy in public, steal it from someone else. This may be a non-actionable issue to management, but it is very, very far from resolved.

Perhaps letting this lie would be the most dignified thing to do, and I would be acting vindictively to pursue it, but I won't do the noble thing this time. I won't just let guilty consciences stew. We all know justice is not passively meted out fairly but must be forcibly extracted from the status quo. Don't tell me that becasue no action was taken against me for expressing myself that I have been fairly treated. I can't have back what's been taken from me. Was that bit of me superfluous? an appendectomy? Not to those who took it. To them it was valuable--if only as entertainment--and will remain so. But they have no idea of the value it had to me and how their use of it has degraded it. Shrinkwrap the Hope diamond and hang it from a peg in the hardware store as a glass-cutting tool!