The Journal Is Lennon, the Blog is McCartney (12/20/08 Saturday)

With now having to compromise my candor on the blog, and seeing no reason to do so in my journal, I will have to split the two up. Ironically (of course!), it's a matter of integrity: I have to say what I feel and think as honestly as I can express my emotions and thoughts. Unfortunately, in only one of the two media (if they are, indeed, separate media) am I free to do that without fear of its use in a petty, vindictive manner against me or anyone I mention. Many things I didn't write in the journal becasue I was committed to post them publicly, and that was a disservice to myself, at least. I will reclaim my journal's candor and in the blog cultivate the fine art of insinuation. I will always be honest, but only in my handwriting will there be full disclosure. In the blog, italic paragraphs will denote writing not in the journal. I have no more fear of gossip--the damage has been done--but I won't allow anyone I care about to be dragged about, or anyone I despise to find cause for libel. I have withheld mention of Julie to a stifling degree, but no more--in my journal. That should satisfy Chris, future totalibrarian. Oh, have I crossed the line already? I guess I just haven't gotten that "fine art" down just yet.

I asked Tammy a last week if a trade could be orchestrated with Tuckahoe, sending me over there for someone who would like to work at Twin Hickory. I just am not comfortable and may never be, given what I know about certain people there and what they think of me. The move would give me a chance to live a mile from work and never have to rely on even my bike, much less someone else's car. But it's doubtful anything's been done, or will be for at least two weeks, as that's how long Tammy will be out, and I don't think she ever spoke personally to Ahmed about my request. Besides Stacey and Hinckley, Bethany and Angie know my intent, though I didn't tell Bethany any more than that I was "no longer comfortable" at Twin Hickory. Jeff, of all people, asked me if I was leaving. "Chris told me a couple months ago you were trying to get transferred," he said. I didn't answer him, not knowing how without fostering further inquisition, and just walked away. I don't care who knows I want to leave--better they know now and hear the truth from me than get it shredded/reconstituted from the rumor mill--but I'd rather expend my energy promoting the truth than quashing the lies--that's the second bird dead on that stone's throw.